..Tigers and Bears...oh my

I dropped Penelope off at Sara’s for the first time. I gave kisses and cuddles, walked out the door and felt awful. Not just awful for the possible premature granting of abandonment issues, but also the terrible jealousy permeating through me that others get to spend so much time with her. Those hours are precious to me. Every yawn, sleepy sigh, smile, coo and sneeze so treasured by me. All I keep thinking is “it’s not fair”; not fair the sacrifices that must be made to make a better life for her, but all the while also sacrificing some parts of her well being. Babies should be with their mommies and daddies THE END. It’s a conundrum, it stinks and I’m completely biased.  I trudged back into work today, my 2nd day back in the workforce. Zero tasking is key, I’m trying so hard to remain mindlessly busy. Stay occupied with busywork between friendly veins. Put the needle in my hand. Color coordinate my vacuutainers. Rack ‘em and stack ‘em. Clean my keyboard. Disinfect everything I lay my eyes on. All I can do is remain on autopilot, keep telling myself this is what I have to do and possibly dick around on the interwebs, like now.